The Rearview

by Abby Ahmad

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1.
Big Bang 04:47
So the big bang In the center of the sky Ignites a light In the pit of your mind's eye And you decide It's finally time to try See the big bang In the center of the sky A new design For all I've left behind I don't have the time To be trading Riddles for rhymes, babe It was under one condition I laid down my ammunition And offered my bare hands in reply But they were disgraced by your derision They've been erased by your omission And now you want to just say "hi" And now you want to ask me why Figure it out now My little whisper Becomes a shout I'll be your one phone call But I never said that I'd bail you out If you could regret some I might forget that I've been stung 3...2...1... Countdown to explosion Deep breaths of things I chose to forget You've stolen the best of me Now you've broken the rest of me Big bang hit the center of my chest Big bang hit the center of my heart I gave you art and watched you Tear it all apart And now you want a new start I see you've adapted my position Paralyzed by indecision Bleeding your thoughts through a hole In your side Well, every brush with the opposition Only deepens the incision So, make up your mind Cause the stakes are getting high Figure it out now Are you in or are you out? As much as I love you I won't be a partner to your doubt If you could be undone Hell, I could say the war's been won 3...2...1... Countdown to explosion Figure it out now Tell me what's this all about Cause I want to bend you I want to turn you inside out If you could just give some I would forgive the damage done In 3...2...1... You knew you'd been outdone It's true you've been out sung So why am I still numb? When it's you who should be stunned Just tell me you won't run Tell me I could be the one Countdown to what we become Big Bang hit the center of the sky Bombs fly on the 4th of July
2.
Postcards 06:22
Must be close to 12 in Flagstaff Did you see the sun today? Things here are cold and constant We live and breathe in grey I wrote you both some letters But I don't know where they went Sometimes our best intentions Get lost before they're sent I hear your child won't stop growing And Tal's romancing western skies Battle wounds have started showing At least we're all still getting high It's true what they may say Sometimes you have to flail to fly It's raining here Wish I was there Just wanted to say “hi” To the queens of the Big Apple I am sending my regards I wish that I was with you And so does my guitar Population has a loneliness All cities have their scars But confusion yields to clarity Even from afar Anticipation is acidic Six months seems like six years But I'll arrive before you know it And we'll share some dirty air It'll take some time But in my mind You know I'm halfway there So wish me well On the road to hell Signed, The Girl with Wavy Hair And to you My brunette beauties Smiling sentries in the pub Your laughter is infectious And fits me like a glove Would you do me just one favor It'll help the time to pass Part the sea And think of me Next time you fill your glass Back at home there sits a boy Been paralyzed by stops and starts Fatality has burned a hole Right through his paper heart Absence has no absolution No light amidst the dark But I'll warm you with my fire While you're searching for your spark This is not a consolation It would be foolish to pretend No logic to this equation The beginning marked The End. Would you call it hypocritical If I offered an Amen Well, I love you And he did too Be there soon, my friend As for the poster girl Of the Eastern world Let persistence be your drug When the thought of youth in Asia Makes you want to pull the plug Just know I'm thinking of you And don't forget to breathe Someone tell me how "I miss you" Translates in Japanese Innocence is growing older Our hearts have learned to lie The Steel City's gotten colder And distance makes me shy When the latitude of longing Is enough to make you cry Hold tight, dear friends Cause this ain't the end Just a short detour On the path to being more Just a small road block Just a dot dot dot Until we meet again
3.
Solo Act 03:39
It's 3am on a Thursday And I'm far from sleep And I've got a confession Baby, you're the secret That I just can't keep to myself Cause I'm scratching at the surface And I’m puling out all my hair Making room inside me now For someone who was never really there Now I’m tossing in my blankets And I’m sweating in my sheets And I left a little bit of the job for you to complete So you’re talking me up But never lay me down I’m screaming real loud But you don’t make a sound I don’t need to know I’ll just turn my head Little girl thought her ship was sinking But then she got to thinking And a little revelation ensued She said, The only thing you need to know Is how to learn to let him go Goodbye, goodbye Hello, hello Cause I don’t need your half To make me whole Cause I’m a little arsenal Just waiting to blow I’ve got to tame my restless, rocking soul Before time turns my diamonds Back into coal Cause when your head starts to ache And your mind starts to churn And the earth starts to shake And the bed starts to burn Well, I think I know what happens next Here comes the mighty rise Of the weaker sex And let me tell you, When it rains It pours Cause I never leave me wanting more I’m a tempest in female form So have a seat, child Watch me storm So, you used to Talk me up But never lay me down And I used to be lost But now I am found Cause it doesn’t take your rock To make me roll…
4.
Halloween 03:57
It must be the season There must be a reason That my days have started Dressing up like nights There must be some feeling That needs some appeasing When the moon becomes A cruel excuse for daylight Well, sometimes you’re up And sometimes you’re down But never without one foot on the ground While I’m like the leaves That fall from these trees And never, never make a sound Well, I lost my crown On the way down Then I took a deep breath And I looked around This life is just a game of Hide and seek And I am never found Wouldn’t you know it The long-winded poet Is running out of things to say Cause I thought I’d never Sing songs about the weather Never thought my life could be reduced To some sad cliché But when you wake up in the morning And the wind’s like a warning That keeps telling you “You’ll never win” As long as the breeze blows behind me Hope is gonna find me Cause it’s searching for the ending That taught me to begin Well, sometimes I’m up And sometimes I’m down But never without both feet on the ground While your sense of peace Can never be released Since your life And your love Have both been drowned You’ll lose your crown On the way down When you take a deep breath and find There’s no one around This life was just a game of Hide and seek And you were never found
5.
SeaSick 02:54
Day One I was shaken and Stunned By what you'd become In this new life Where feigning existence is fun Day Two All my blacks fade to Blue The sky you undo With your new words I'm swimming backwards for you Take a closer look I'm just a fish on a hook Tangled up From the light And the life that you took Want to reclaim what is mine Break free from the line But I'm all out of strength And you're all out of time But somehow You touched a part of me Someway You set the start of me Someday You'll find the heart of me Out at sea Day Three I fell apart at the Seams We must have got caught In between The light and the dark Of a dream Every faint dial tone Makes me feel more alone Makes it harder And harder To breathe on my own Every lie you bemoan Another truth you disown Another crack in the seat Of your golden throne Somehow You broke a part of me Someway You stopped the start of "we" Someday You'll find the heart of me Out at sea Out at sea Out at sea
6.
I can barely hold your hand Let alone hold you up I can barely feed myself Let alone fill your cup Cause the bonds stay broken When the lessons stay unlearned I have given all I can When's it your turn? I can barely hold my tongue Let alone hold my breath I ain't gonna stick around To watch you die a new death Cause I swore to myself I would Never return I've seen this one before And guess what You crash and you burn Burned All your bridges When your super-life Became superstition Less than a friend But more than a sister What once just burned Is starting to blister Ashes to Ashes We'll burn to the ground And I'd rather make a clean break Than watch you fall down And I hope you’ll forgive me Cause I didn’t forget The way you severed the cords Of your own safety net Well fate can be cruel Life may be a bitch But that’s not an excuse For your seven-year itch You see I never signed on To mend what you break And I won't be a band-aid For another heartache I have learned from the best When to say enough is enough So you've been dealt a bad hand You've still got to ante up When the cards have been folded And the last bluff's been called What will you be left with? Nothing or All There's so much to gain When there's nothing to lose But little girl You've got some big girl shoes Little girl in big girl shoes Little girl Big girl shoes
7.
Tri-Me 04:34
I need to step outside Another day Marks another way Marks a new reason to hide It's true when you slip You slide On the ground Been pushed down by this Primitive pride My voice a stifled symphony My veins pump Liquid lethargy But those that can avert casualty Do not acquire sympathy Step aside Cause I want off this ride Black hole ate the crippled cry Of me, myself, and I The vacuum is picturesque For those who can pass the test I may be turning blue I may have some work to do But try me Tri -me I detest this new dichotomy To love to hate The light in me Too loud to hear Too bright to see The incest of infamy To be or not to be So I may be tainted in my truth When I claim I'm bullet-proof But every half-assed assault Has been a death by default Any day now You will see The singular me When three become one And one becomes enough I’m blowing up Taking off Coming down I’m not enough It never starts It never stops A bell rings A piano drops I'm rubbing off It's sinking in I'm running fast I'm running thin This little bubble's gonna burst It's me alone And I come first…
8.
The Sequel 04:26
Am I just a vacation From your sad occupation Some cheap consolation For your tragic plastic queen Cause you act like it's your duty To rip right through me But I've still got beauty In places you've never seen So just let me say That I want to stay Just for today Then I won't stand in your way Just let me play Then send me away First, let me lay In your darker shade of grey Your words are like fire They long to inspire But they're walking the wire Between truth and fallacy And I long to retire I ache to expire But you take me higher Than any sky I've ever seen Just let me say That I want to stay Just for today Then I won't stand in your way Just let me play Then send me away First, let me fade To your darker shade of grey
9.
Skyscrapers for miles And sandpaper smiles Your depths of denial Confirm that I’ve been beat I guess for a while I suffered with style I marched single-file To the tune of your deceit You see my mind don’t often Function logically Cause my heart’s too often Singing out of key Somebody break these chains And please, Release me From the grasp of these Urban tragedies I keep stepping on cracks I keep checking my back As you plot your attack I’m stuck on repeat I’ve taken some flack For the courage I lack I live life in flashbacks To preserve your conceit They say that all great things must fall Eventually Once you’ve surrendered your right To see things clearly I need to shake these chains And get myself free From the grasp of these Urban tragedies It’s too late to abort I’m too rushed to resort I’d better suck it up And be a good sport Before what’s left of me depletes So I twist and contort For this legend Of sorts On the streets of New York I accept my defeat
10.
Enter Pale 04:14
I want to empower you I want to devour you Only took me about an hour to Fade into you I want to explore you I want to destroy you I silently implore you to Give me my life back And the years boil down like water As I strive to be the flawless daughter So slowly kill me with the words you say Beat me down Until I fade away Your eyes were like water Frozen by the cold Your mouth was an ocean And it swallowed me whole My breath has been captured Now my body you demand You’re too quick to ask questions Too cruel to understand Your kiss is like a razor Vicious and unkind Strange how it can mean everything And nothing at the same time So I pray to my god I pray for me I pray for you And your little atrocities If I never wake up Please, don’t tell me what I’ve missed Obsession’s hit me where it hurts Like a drug, like a fist The way you penetrate my conscience You’re the air I breathe You’re my epidemic, baby You are my disease And the planetary orbit Of your body as it circles me These crystal-clear obscurities I just want some sanity I feel like death resurrected I am honorably rejected There’s a little piece of me reflected Inside of you And this fever just keeps getting hotter Cause “The girl forgets everything we’ve taught her” I stole from you now, baby Make me pay Beat me down… C’mon and beat me down Then tell me to stay Help me to heal this slow decay Linger in my mouth Make me melt away, then Beat me down… We’re all gonna fade away
11.
Stone 03:58
I always could feel the vacancy When I traced your soul with my memory Made you out to be someone That you never could be And now I'm facing the aftermath Of a full-blown heart attack There lies no refuge In recovery I just want a love To call my own But everything I touch Just turns to stone The more I love The more I feel alone You might say that I'm jaded I'll admit that I'm faded Worn out Worn down A transparency But you have also Been stripped to the bone Exposing flaws and faults of your own You're a crack in the landscape A deficiency I cannot be your muse I will not be your foe Cause there’s a safety in the act of Letting go There's nothing left to gain When there's no room to grow Take back your city lights Take back the April rain Who knew the mess you left Would leave such a stain? I loved you all this time To find you loved me In vain So I guess there's one thing Left to do Got to tear my eyes From the rearview And wave goodbye to you
12.
River Song 05:33

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All words and music by Abby Ahmad
2005 Detour Music (ASCAP)
All Rights Reserved

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released March 3, 2006

PRODUCED BY Abby Ahmad and Matt Zeigler
ENGINEERED AND MIXED BY Matt Zeigler
Recorded @ Planet of Sound (Hartford, CT)
MASTERED BY Jim Chapdelaine (JC Studios - Hartford, CT)

ARRANGED BY Abby Ahmad and Matt Zeigler
except "The Sequel" and "Stone" - Arranged by Abby Ahmad, Neal Humphreys, and Matt Zeigler

PHOTOGRAPHY BY Abby Ahmad, Ashleigh Ide, Tyler Morgan
GRAPHIC DESIGN BY Michael Scholl

2006 Little Whisper Records
www.abbyahmad.com

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Abby Ahmad Brooklyn, New York

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