Up and Through

from Curriculum by Abby Ahmad

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lyrics

I cannot be the boss of me
I’ve been reduced to puppetry
Cause it takes you
To make me function properly

I’ve made it so that I can’t breathe
Through the staleness of this stagnancy
Dependency
I’m married to my misery

This year’s been an eternity
Denying the maternity
Of my own rebirth
You see, I scare me

Who am I if not yours?
What defined me before?
Call it laziness
Call it fear
But I am stuck in neutral gear

I am my own catastrophe
A result of inactivity
The more I sit here idly
The more my pain precedes me

Dissection to the worst degree
My thoughts agree to disagree
It’s agony, anarchy
Don’t fade on me

But with the hurt
Comes clarity
Pawned my heart for new eyes to see
Every recycled memory
Bringing a new epiphany

The love that left me craving more
Sent you running for the door
Call it craziness, my dear
To be stuck in neutral gear

Oh, and how I long to be
Floating fast
Flying free
Feeling the best parts of me
High above the wreckage

Reelecting bravery
Summoning the strength to be
Okay with me
Pray you’ll see
The moral in my message:

I will not move on from you
But I will move up and through
And in directions I never knew...

credits

from Curriculum, released November 17, 2009
ABBY AHMAD: acoustic, resonator, and Portuguese guitars, bass, accordion, toy piano, percussion, vocals
MARK MARSHALL: acoustic and electric bass, electric guitar, drums, percussion, Rhodes
MICHAEL LEONHART: mellophone, trumpet, glockenspiel, percussion

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Abby Ahmad Brooklyn, New York

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